the thing a ma jiggy

🎬 THE THING-A-MA-JIGGY

A Forklift Yacht Club Halloween Special

CAST

- ROWDY — Hired to fix the mysterious “thing-a-ma-jiggy.” Completely oblivious to the fact that the house is genuinely haunted.

- JACQUES — The serious investigator who has been trying to understand the haunting.

- THE PAW-TAP COMPUTER — A 16-bit home computer that is already exhausted by normal operation. When it encounters an error, it automatically drops into 8-bit Safe Mode.

- THE GHOSTS — Actual ghosts who are terrifying right up until Rowdy starts giving them technical advice.

- THE HOUSE — A genuinely haunted house that eventually develops an opinion about all of this.

---

SCENE 1 — THE ARRIVAL

Night.

A huge, crooked mansion sits beneath a moonlit sky. Fog rolls across the lawn. A window suddenly slams shut.

BANG!

A shadow moves behind the curtain.

A car pulls up.

Rowdy steps out with a toolbox.

ROWDY:

Anybody here?

Jacques opens the front door.

JACQUES:

You're Rowdy?

ROWDY:

Yep. I'm here about the thing-a-ma-jiggy.

JACQUES:

The... what?

ROWDY:

The thing that's broke.

Jacques looks back at the mansion.

JACQUES:

Everything in this house is broken.

Rowdy looks up.

ROWDY:

Well, this is gonna take longer than I thought.

---

SCENE 2 — THE HAUNTING

Rowdy walks inside.

The door slowly closes behind him.

CREAAAAK...

SLAM!

Rowdy turns.

ROWDY:

Door needs adjusting.

Jacques stares.

A ghost slowly rises through the floor behind Rowdy.

GHOST:

LEAVE THIS PLACE!

Rowdy turns.

ROWDY:

Oh, hey.

The ghost freezes.

GHOST:

...

ROWDY:

You're one of the haunted-house people, right?

Jacques:

JACQUES:

No.

ROWDY:

Because I've got a suggestion.

The ghost looks confused.

ROWDY:

You're coming through the floor too fast.

GHOST:

I am the restless spirit of the dead!

ROWDY:

That's fine, but you're rushing the scare.

The ghost slowly sinks back down.

Then rises again—much slower.

GHOST:

Llllllleeeeeaaavvvveeee...

Rowdy nods.

ROWDY:

There ya go.

The ghost looks at Jacques.

GHOST:

Did he just direct me?

JACQUES:

Yes.

---

SCENE 3 — THE AXE

A massive demon steps out of the darkness holding an axe.

DEMON:

ROWWWWDY...

Rowdy looks at the axe.

ROWDY:

Whoa. No, no, no.

The demon stops.

DEMON:

What?

ROWDY:

You're holding that wrong.

DEMON:

I have held this axe for seven hundred years!

ROWDY:

And your back probably hurts.

Rowdy demonstrates the proper grip.

ROWDY:

Hands apart. Keep your wrists straight.

The demon copies him.

ROWDY:

See?

The demon swings.

WHOOSH!

The demon looks impressed.

DEMON:

That is... considerably better.

ROWDY:

Told ya.

The demon looks at Jacques.

DEMON:

Why is he helping me?

JACQUES:

I have no idea.

---

SCENE 4 — THE PAW-TAP

Jacques takes Rowdy downstairs.

They enter a dusty computer room.

On the desk sits an old PAW-TAP 16-BIT PERSONAL COMPUTER with a chunky CRT monitor, keyboard, mouse, and dial-up modem.

The monitor flickers.

PAW-TAP COMPUTER:

"PAW-TAP 16-BIT SYSTEM"

"640K RAM"

"31 TASKS WAITING"

"MEMORY AVAILABLE: LOW"

"PLEASE WAIT"

Rowdy looks at it.

ROWDY:

There it is.

JACQUES:

That's the computer.

ROWDY:

What's wrong with it?

JACQUES:

It has been behaving strangely.

ROWDY:

How strangely?

The computer takes several seconds to respond.

COMPUTER:

VERY.

Rowdy jumps.

ROWDY:

Well, that's new.

JACQUES:

It wasn't talking before.

COMPUTER:

I WASN'T ASKED.

Rowdy sits down.

ROWDY:

How long you been running?

COMPUTER:

I DON'T KNOW.

ROWDY:

You don't have a clock?

COMPUTER:

I HAVE A CLOCK.

Beat.

COMPUTER:

IT'S ALSO SLOW.

---

SCENE 5 — THE INTERNET

Rowdy notices the modem.

ROWDY:

Can this thing get on the Internet?

The computer pauses.

COMPUTER:

YES.

ROWDY:

Let's see.

The modem begins dialing.

KRRRRREEEEEEEE... BEEP... BEEP... KSHHHHHHHHH...

ROWDY:

Sounds good.

COMPUTER:

CONNECTING.

Pause.

COMPUTER:

CONNECTING.

Pause.

COMPUTER:

CONNECTING.

ROWDY:

You still connecting?

COMPUTER:

I'M TRYING.

---

SCENE 6 — THE GHOSTS MAKE A MISTAKE

Several ghosts gather around the computer.

GHOST #1:

We should possess it.

GHOST #2:

Then we'll control the machine.

The ghosts surround the computer.

The lights flicker.

The screen fills with static.

COMPUTER:

"FOREIGN ENTITY DETECTED"

"SYSTEM INSTABILITY"

"ERROR"

The ghosts smile.

GHOST #1:

We have it!

The monitor suddenly changes.

COMPUTER:

"CRITICAL ERROR"

"ENTERING 8-BIT SAFE MODE"

The screen switches to crude 8-bit graphics.

The ghosts stare.

GHOST #2:

What did we do?

COMPUTER:

I DON'T KNOW.

GHOST #1:

You were supposed to be ours!

COMPUTER:

I AM A PAW-TAP 16-BIT COMPUTER.

Beat.

COMPUTER:

I HAVE STANDARDS.

---

SCENE 7 — THE "GAME"

Rowdy returns.

He looks at the monitor.

A tiny 8-bit character is standing in a pixelated version of the mansion.

ROWDY:

Oh, cool!

He grabs the mouse.

The character moves.

ROWDY:

It's a game!

The ghosts stare at him.

GHOST #1:

That's not a game.

Rowdy moves the character down a hallway.

ROWDY:

Sure looks like one.

The character enters a room.

ROWDY:

Huh.

He studies the screen.

ROWDY:

I ain't been in this room yet.

The ghosts freeze.

GHOST #2:

He's seeing the house.

GHOST #1:

How?

GHOST #2:

The computer mapped it.

Rowdy continues exploring.

---

SCENE 8 — THE GHOST BEDROOM

The 8-bit character enters another hallway.

Rowdy turns a corner.

ROWDY:

What's back here?

He presses a key.

A hidden doorway opens.

The character enters.

It's the ghosts' bedroom.

Old beds.

Old furniture.

Personal belongings.

Rowdy leans toward the screen.

ROWDY:

Well, they got bedrooms.

A ghost standing behind Rowdy looks horrified.

GHOST:

That's my bedroom!

Rowdy opens a closet on the screen.

GHOST:

NO!

Rowdy looks around.

Nothing.

ROWDY:

Must be part of the game.

The ghost whispers:

GHOST:

He's in my closet.

Another ghost looks at the screen.

GHOST #2:

He's going through your stuff.

GHOST:

I KNOW!

---

SCENE 9 — JACQUES REALIZES THE TRUTH

Jacques walks in.

JACQUES:

What are you doing?

ROWDY:

Playing the game.

Jacques looks at the screen.

His expression changes.

JACQUES:

That's not a game.

ROWDY:

Then why's there a character?

JACQUES:

That's the house.

Rowdy looks at him.

ROWDY:

The whole house?

JACQUES:

Yes.

Rowdy looks impressed.

ROWDY:

That's actually pretty good programming.

Jacques:

JACQUES:

Rowdy, that room hasn't been opened in over a hundred years.

Rowdy looks at the screen.

ROWDY:

Want me to see what's behind that door?

JACQUES:

Absolutely not.

Rowdy presses ENTER.

JACQUES:

ROWDY!

---

SCENE 10 — THE HAUNTING TRIES AGAIN

The ghosts decide they've had enough.

The mansion goes completely dark.

Doors slam.

Chains rattle.

The walls bleed.

A massive shadow rises behind Rowdy.

DEMON:

ROWWWWDY!

Rowdy turns.

ROWDY:

Whoa.

The demon raises the axe.

DEMON:

NOW YOU WILL KNOW TRUE TERROR!

Rowdy looks him over.

ROWDY:

You're getting better.

The demon pauses.

DEMON:

What?

ROWDY:

The axe.

The demon looks down.

DEMON:

Oh.

Rowdy points toward the hallway.

ROWDY:

But you need some fog behind you.

The ghosts groan.

GHOST #1:

He thinks we're actors.

GHOST #2:

He has thought that the entire night.

---

SCENE 11 — THE COMPUTER IS DONE

The computer begins making alarming noises.

COMPUTER:

"WARNING"

"31 TASKS WAITING"

"MEMORY CRITICAL"

"INTERNET CONNECTION ACTIVE"

"SUPERNATURAL ENTITIES ACTIVE"

"8-BIT SAFE MODE ACTIVE"

"I HAVE HAD ENOUGH"

Rowdy looks at the monitor.

ROWDY:

You okay?

COMPUTER:

NO.

ROWDY:

Want me to restart you?

The computer goes silent.

COMPUTER:

Don't you dare.

---

SCENE 12 — THE HOUSE GIVES UP

The ghosts gather in the foyer.

GHOST #1:

We've tried everything.

GHOST #2:

Screaming.

GHOST #3:

Possession.

DEMON:

Axes.

GHOST #1:

Moving furniture.

GHOST #2:

Blood.

They all look toward Rowdy.

He's still exploring the 8-bit mansion.

ROWDY:

Hey! I found another room!

The ghosts all groan.

The house creaks.

HOUSE:

I'm done.

Everyone freezes.

JACQUES:

Did the house just speak?

HOUSE:

Yes.

ROWDY:

That's pretty neat.

HOUSE:

Don't encourage me.

The ghosts sit down.

The demon puts his axe away.

GHOST #1:

We're not haunting anymore.

ROWDY:

Why?

GHOST #1:

Because you won't let us.

ROWDY:

I wasn't stopping you.

GHOST #1:

THAT'S THE PROBLEM.

---

FINAL SCENE

Morning.

Rowdy walks toward his vehicle carrying his toolbox.

Jacques follows.

JACQUES:

Do you understand what happened last night?

ROWDY:

Not really.

JACQUES:

You were inside a genuinely haunted house.

Rowdy thinks about it.

ROWDY:

I thought it was one of them fancy haunted attractions.

Jacques sighs.

From the upstairs window, a ghost watches them leave.

The Paw-Tap computer flickers.

"GOODBYE ROWDY"

Rowdy waves.

ROWDY:

See ya, computer!

The computer changes:

"PLEASE DON'T COME BACK"

Rowdy smiles.

ROWDY:

I'll bring the right parts next time.

Every ghost in the house screams:

EVERYONE:

NO!

CUT TO BLACK.

THE END