Meet Laizer Beam, Head of Sales (Against Everyone's Better Judgment)

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Meet Laizer Beam, Head of Sales (Against Everyone's Better Judgment)



Every successful company has someone keeping an eye on sales.

At Forklift Yacht Club... that responsibility somehow ended up with Laizer Beam.

We're still not entirely sure how it happened.

Most days you'll find her sleeping on the office desk, stretched across the keyboard, supervising absolutely nothing while pretending it's hard work. Management has attempted several performance reviews, but they usually end with a loud yawn and another nap.

Despite this, Laizer Beam insists she's "boosting morale."

Earlier this week, while everyone else was busy moving freight and making music, Laizer Beam wandered across the keyboard looking for a warmer place to sleep.

Several random key presses later...

Free Shipping on orders of $75 or more was accidentally activated.

We have no idea how she did it.

Our IT department says the change "shouldn't have been possible."

Laizer Beam refuses to comment.

Since she seems incredibly proud of herself—and because reversing it would probably wake her up—we've decided to leave it active.

So if you've been thinking about grabbing a hoodie, a few stickers, a hat, or adding something new to your Forklift Yacht Club collection, now's a good time.

Just don't tell Laizer Beam she did a good job.

She'll expect a promotion.

— The Forklift Yacht Club Crew 🐾

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